Sports News Not Covered Anywhere Else (feat. Bob Menery) – Lights Out with David Spade


-Around the world with Lights Out Sports Update. Go! MENERY:
Bob Menery here. Welcome to the Lights Out
Sports Update, bringing you stunning examples
of athleticism from around the globe. We begin tonight in Tokyo,
a city still healing after getting its shit
kicked in by goddamn Godzilla. The competitive eating world
was rocked by this week’s 123rd annual
noodle sucking jamboree. Look at these winners
just power blasting through a metric (bleep) ton
of ramen. They’re really packing it in.
I mean, if you’re a starving kid
watching this, that’s got to be tough. I haven’t seen someone slurp this many noodles
in one sitting since my whore ex-wife
on our honeymoon. We go now to California in the pro-am
Hacky Sack circuit, a place with more dorks
per square inch than the Geek Squad. Well, this kid’s
putting out a display so graceful, so inspiring, the guy in the black T-shirt
can’t help but stare at his (bleep) phone
through the whole thing. He doesn’t keep a hot squirt
of piss about this bullshit his girlfriend’s kid
dragged him to. And look at that. Victory! This kid is truly
the greatest winner in a sport for losers. I hope this kid’s got rubbers, because he’s about to be
neck-deep in the poon lagoon. Now to… Jesus, what is that? Transylvania or something?
Who gives a (bleep). Let’s look at some morons
with swords. En garde! It’s time
for the Renaissance jamboree. Here’s a bunch of ding-dongs
working on overtime to protect their virginity. It’s these guys’ first time
using wood on something besides an anime body pillow. Don’t be fooled by the weapons
and skills on display, Spade. I’m confident these dudes
are a bunch of (bleep) pussies who would run for the hills
if real shit ever hit the fan. Next up, India,
Olympic gold medalists in giving people diarrhea
for 4,000 consecutive years. Now, we have a game of what the rest of the world
calls football and we here in America call
“change the (bleep) channel.” Apparently, they went
to the (bleep) literal bullpen. Jesus H. Buttholes.
What happened? This bull being
surprisingly calm, while these little shitlords
play keep-away -with a monster the size
of a goddamn Camaro. -(moo) -(horn honking) -The referee
is passing by on a motorcycle, since the game is apparently
being played on Fury Road. This looks like a remake
of Air Bud from a country that hasn’t
invented electricity yet. And, finally,
the beaches of Hawaii. Let’s watch a swarm of morons
say aloha to the wonderful world
of drowning. It’s the World Surfing
Championships, held this year
on scenic Dumb (bleep) Island. Here goes Chad
getting cut off by Chad. Oh, down goes Chad! And these Chads are dropping
like goddamn flies. Just a true spectacle
of mediocrity. That’s gonna wrap it up for tonight’s
Lights Out Sports Update. Back to you in the studio,
Spade.

48 thoughts on “Sports News Not Covered Anywhere Else (feat. Bob Menery) – Lights Out with David Spade

  • November 6, 2019 at 3:09 am
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    First boi

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:13 am
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    I low-key though it said ft Bob Marley 😂 anyone else

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:13 am
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    Way more interesting then sports center

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:17 am
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    Honest to god this is the best segment on the show. Props to Spade for including it!

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:26 am
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    Jesus Christ this is aggressively unfunny

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:32 am
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    Except that is China…

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:38 am
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    The video says "Tokyo" but then shows a video recorded in China……….

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:43 am
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    #ChadLivesMatter

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:56 am
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    Bob Menery has such a great voice, but some of this material they gave him was… not great.

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:59 am
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    Holy shit, how many Chad's were just sliced open from fins?!?!

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  • November 6, 2019 at 4:11 am
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    Studio laughter does not work for me. Cringe.

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  • November 6, 2019 at 4:51 am
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    LOL! Neck deep in the poon lagoon!

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  • November 6, 2019 at 5:13 am
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    Fkn Chad…

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  • November 6, 2019 at 5:27 am
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    David spade is the top least unfunny comedian right behind kathy griffin or whatever they call it… him… her… fans of this show wouldn't know funny if it sat on their face

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  • November 6, 2019 at 5:32 am
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    uhm, thats china

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  • November 6, 2019 at 5:35 am
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    Can't say it enough. Love these segments!

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  • November 6, 2019 at 6:03 am
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    Unfunny and kind of just a string of Bully speak, as if we aren’t getting enough examples of how to insult. agree with Conner it is unfunny and like grooming to make more Trumps… stop already!

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  • November 6, 2019 at 6:13 am
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    Now people from India will list all we have achieved in comment section.

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  • November 6, 2019 at 6:16 am
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    the first video is not in Tokyo. The banners say it's Ningbo, China.

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  • November 6, 2019 at 6:28 am
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    bc everyone in Hawaii surfs in wetsuits

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  • November 6, 2019 at 6:39 am
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    Take the fucking laugh track out. Are you trying to be Icarly?

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  • November 6, 2019 at 6:57 am
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    This should have been funny but… you ruined it somehow

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  • November 6, 2019 at 7:58 am
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    dont love Bob Menery but i get what they are doing…

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  • November 6, 2019 at 8:08 am
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    I'm thinking this bit isn't going over too well with your peeps.

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  • November 6, 2019 at 8:37 am
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    Thank you for bringing Bob back I love his sports commentary. 😂👏👏👏 So funny 🤣

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  • November 6, 2019 at 8:49 am
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    That's funny. Those "Transylvania guys" are my friends.

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  • November 6, 2019 at 9:09 am
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    “neck deep in the poon lagoon”

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  • November 6, 2019 at 9:16 am
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    1:15 is that an SCA tournament? The hand behind the back is kinda weird.

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  • November 6, 2019 at 10:12 am
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    These jokes, much like Spades career, where better off in the 90's

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  • November 6, 2019 at 12:42 pm
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    1:07 true

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  • November 6, 2019 at 1:47 pm
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    Not to nit pick—shit, I'll nit pick–that "dad" is taking pictures/video with a camera, he's not on his phone. Better quality control next time @bobmenery

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  • November 6, 2019 at 2:29 pm
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    This dude is a genius I love it

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:08 pm
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    I LOVE these segments!!

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  • November 6, 2019 at 3:30 pm
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    :50 the dude clearly isnt on a phone.

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  • November 6, 2019 at 8:09 pm
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    India, giving people diarrhea for 4,000 years HAhHa

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  • November 6, 2019 at 9:51 pm
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    Do some research…. Ramen sometimes do not equal to Japan….

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  • November 7, 2019 at 3:36 am
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    how the fuck did the people who wrote this not notice that guy is looking at a fuckin dslr camera? how often does one have a giant neck strap attached to their phone? o god or did they find out and keep it in anyway….

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  • November 8, 2019 at 9:34 am
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    HEY SPADE! Why not add Dennis Miller commentary to the sports clips? The more esoteric the reference, the better. Try it.

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  • November 8, 2019 at 10:20 am
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    So true that every surfer is named chad haha 😂

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  • November 8, 2019 at 2:20 pm
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    A guy swearing profusely over sports-clips isn't that funny.

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  • November 8, 2019 at 2:48 pm
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    You put ESPN to shame! Love this segment.

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  • November 8, 2019 at 3:19 pm
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    2:19 The “surfing contest” in Hawaii was mapped in south east Asia. Wow those islands drifted about 8,000 miles

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  • November 8, 2019 at 11:51 pm
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    As an incel, it was refreshing to see all those Chads crashing on that surf. LIFEFUEL

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  • November 9, 2019 at 12:19 am
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    The script and delivery of this segment is always sensational, I absolutely love it!!

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  • November 9, 2019 at 12:27 am
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    What a pity act to give Menery a slot on his show. That’s a joke in and of itself.

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  • November 9, 2019 at 5:33 am
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    Finally some humor on late night TV. Thanks Dave Spade

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  • November 9, 2019 at 6:23 am
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    "apparently they went to the literal bullpen" god damnit I love this segment

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