HERE WE GO!! HERE WE GOOOOO!!!! Sour Laughter – Basketball So when you play basketball, you always get the same nickname Hey Michael Jordan, Michael Jordan, over here! That was not me. My nickname was Yao Ming. Even my teammates called me Yao Ming! Over here Yao! Defend it Yao! Shoot Yao! Even the coach! What are you doing Yao? Once during a game my teammates called me Yao so much even the referee thought it was my name. The ball was out and I had to put it back in game. I was walking there, the referee said, “Move it, Yao.” I burst our laughing, he thought I was making fun of him, I got a foul. And why was this asshole even in a hurry, he had another match after that one? Now people call me Jeremy Lee. Jeremy is already closer to Kevin. But when I’m on the free throw line, the other team’s supporters call me “Chink” because they thing that by insulting me they’ll unsettle me and I’ll miss my shot. Hey, that’s pretty much useless, because without bragging, with me, free throws are like cucumbers and Katsuni… Always ends up in. Yeah, I know, that joke is gross, I think it’ll stay in the annals. No pun intended! It’s a normal thing, insults in basketball. We players call it “trash talking”. You talk shit to unnerve your opponent and make him fail his throws. I can’t do a video about basketball without mentioning trash talking. Here’s a list of my favorite catchphrases to unnerve my opponents. You like basketball but basketball doesn’t like you! What I forgot about basketball, you haven’t learned it yet kid! Oh shit, it went in again! Yo man, why aren’t you defending? What’s the point against you? Hey, that’s your lucky day. Go play lotto tonight, we’ll share the benefits. Wow! Someone bring me an extinguisher! Because I’m ON FIRE! Confucius said: “If you throw 7 times, I will counter you 8 times.” And when you can’t settle your fight even through trash talking, you settle it on NBA2K13 It’s gonna be a massacre! Like in every sports game, there’s a mode to create your own player and have a career with him. At first, you’re honest. You real height, your real capacities. But after playing one game with your player, when you’re been raped, crossed, dunked, all you want, you understand you won’t make a career with 5’7″ During the game, I was so terrible, they replaced me. But now, Kevin is 6’8″, MVP of the league, 99% of value, 10 titles as champion… Oh yeah, one thing I can’t handle being a basketball fan in France, is watching the NBA games live. Because of the time zones, all the games are at 3AM, and I’m a fan of the Lakers, and those assholes won’t stop playing at 4:30. The worse part is the breaks, the half-time, the times out, because of the commercials. But they’re not little bitch French commercials like Kinder Bueno. Nope, they’re AMERICAN commercials, only about food! Seriously, the KFC commercials, it’s mutated chicken mixed with gross greasy sauce… It looks so fucking good. You just can’t watch games live without eating. So you get fatter as the NBA season advances. There, if you compare me to my November video, you’ll see, I’m chubbier in the cheeks. And during the finales, I turn into a fat pig. In summer, I play basketball to lose it all, but it’s so I can gain more the season after! Kind of like the cater cycle… But with fat. By the way, if you like to enjoy a quiet basketball game, don’t watch it with me. Because I’m a little bit emotional. Uh-uh… Jumbo… Lakers ball! Lakers ball! Kobe! Kobe got it- Kobe driving! Kobe… for the win! YES!!!! […] I can’t believe-! The Black Mamba just did it again!!! […] So beautiful… so beautiful…. Yeah, you guessed it, my favorite player is KOBE B-B-B-B-B-BRYANT! AKA The Black Mamba ssss Watch out, I’m a fan, but not too much either. because we Kobe fans, we remember how he tried to fuck with us in 2006. Yeah, he changed his number from 8 to 24. Apparently the 24 represent the 24 hours of the day and one must enjoy his life to the fullest… Yeah, right! More like because Michael Jordan was number 23! So guys like me who had bought the number 8, they got fucked! Not too much, uh, I was clever. Next to the number 8, I wrote “x3” ! Ah, you tried to beat a Chinese at math, Kobe, you came to the wrong neighborhood! So start by shutting the fuck up, Kobe. I still bought the 24 eventually, because over time I became a tourist. But the worst is when you got the jersey of a player who suddenly changes his team! He’s gonna have the name of his new team on the jersey, so you can multiply all you want, it won’t get you anywhere! And all your friends have a pre-made sentence for that. Hey! Your jersey is expired! So, to end this video, I’ll give an homage to my high school coach, Coach Raph. You thought I was gonna say Coach Carter? You’re fucking kidding me? Raph, I know you’re watching this video! Yeah, I call him Raph because I have no respect for him. Every Sunday he turns up at the game one hour late! Each time he had a crazy excuse, like he had to rush a relative to the ER! So he bought pains au chocolat for the whole team to make up for it. You’re naive in high school! They get you a pain au chocolat, you’d forgive a murder! You think “Shit, it must have ben=en hard for him, he took a relative to the ER and he brought us grub too, he’s so cool!” You go home after the game, you go on Facebook, you see him tagged smashed drunk on the pictures of the day, and there you think, either his bro got even drunker and passed out and he had to get him to the ER, and then his version is not complete bullshit… Or he just took the piss out of you! I’m joking Raph, you know I love you! And that video is for you! Hey, Henry, want to say something to Raph? No, he’s a dick.